Don't give it away.

I don't know if it's because my virginity was taken from me or how I was raised or what, but one thing I will never understand is why girls just give their viginity up like it's no big deal. Just like I will never understand why it's a "bad thing" for a guy to be older than 16 and still a virgin. I "slept around" as people like to say, but I never planned to, never enjoyed it, ect. After I was raped, I started dating my best friend who was there with me through it all. Hell, I took his virginity and he was 17. He was there for me for a year, which at 15/16 is a long time. When we broke up, a lot about my virginity being gone, better yet that I didn't choose for it to be gone, started to mess with me. I have Caiven to show for my mistakes, and I love him dearly, but I'm always reminded when I look at him of the things that happened that brought him into this world. So, there are people like me that had no choice, and then there are people that just can't wait to have sex, and a lot seem to end up having regrets about not waiting. I'm not necessarily saying wait until you're married, though that was my plan..but I think it should be special. Not to make a relationship official with someone, not after you've been dating them for two weeks and are "in love", not when you're drunk in the back seat of a car with someone, ect. I don't see anything wrong with virgins my age. In fact, I kind of have respect for them, because there are some moments growing up that make it hard to not have sex, haha. I guess this is just one of those things where people remind you that "life isn't fair". It will never be fair that I didn't get to choose, didn't get to make it special, or with the person I wanted, but life really isn't fair and everything does happen for a reason. I wouldn't have Caiven if it wouldn't have happened, and I wouldn't have reached out to other girls to think through their decisions or remind them of the seriousness there is in having sex. I do want to tell any virgins reading this, don't just give it away. If for no other reason, for the people like me.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

  This book not only meant the world to me when I first (yes, I've read it many times) read it back in 2005/2006, but it still means the world to me today. When I went to start writing this, I actually thought I'd have a problem ever stopping. Honestly though, there is so much I have to say and so many feelings flowing through me right now that I can't even begin. I don't know if anyone else loves this book quite as much as I do...but if they do I'm sure they understand.

  ANYWAYS! This whole post came to be because the trailer for the movie finally came out! I was aprehensive when I heard the movie was being made, and continued to slightly be even after I heard that Stephen Chbosky was closely watching over the production and such. Once it came out that he was all over the writing and directed it, I felt much more peace with the idea. Then tonight, literally right before I came to post this, I watched the trailer that I've been waiting for for months. I could have cried. I really feel like this movie is going to do the book great justice. My excitement right now is hard to compare to many other moments in my life. I've already told my boyfriend that if he never does another sweet thing for me for the rest of our lives, that he is to take me on a date the night of the movie release and be as sweet to me as he can possibly bear to be for the night. Reading the book was originally part of the request, but I'll take what I can get. 



  My only hope and prayer is that this doesn't become some big trendy thing like most of the book-turned-movies lately where suddenly everyone tries to act like they read it when they were fresh out of elementary school and have been keeping up with the creation of the masterpeice the movie seems to have become. Considering how angry I feel just thinking about it, I can't imagine how angry I'll become if it actually happens. Of course, considering Harry Potter just ended and Emma Watson is playing Sam, I'm probably screwed and should accept that there is no point in hoping and praying for it not to happen.

Advice for Young Girls

We will always try to pass this message along, and wish that we would have believed those that tried to tell us. So..since I didn't listen..let me shed light as to where I'm at in life with all this advice..
  1. Disney did me wrong. I'm nineteen years old, and while I love my boyfriend, I'm still telling myself he'll turn into a prince. Actually, scratch that - I don't even want a prince.
  2. I stressed and stressed over my first kiss. Looking back, I really wish I could take it back and wait about a year or two for a much better kisser than any of my first were. Not to mention just a better person in general. Ahh, the things we don't see at that age...
  3. I've always taken pictures of everything, and still do. I've actually been told the opposite - that I don't need to take so many pictures. However, I'm sticking to it. Those are my memories, my life.
  4. I always had bad luck with friends. My best friend in second grade not only stopped being my friend and took away any chance I had of having any friends, but made things that way until the fifth grade. Friends I made then weren't even good friends. Seventh grade was when I met my current boyfriend, who was my best friend then. When I got to highschool and made a new best friend, another military girl also from Georgia actually, she not only stopped being my friend, but made my life hell to the point where I couldn't go to school or get on the computer. I forgave her, and she did it again. Forgave the girl from second grade who became my best friend again, only for her to desert me after having Caiven. I've recently forgiven her again, but I'm not trying to be best friends with her or anyone. I have my boyfriend and my son. I need nothing else.
  5. I always did exceptionally well in art, and was one of those kids that doodled all over their notes. Now, I don't mean I was one of those girls that wrote a boys name a million different ways or even my own, I actually drew things. I'll have to look through some boxes and find a few that I kept now. Back to the point though...I stopped "making art" in highschool. Teachers complained, even though my grades were all As until I stopped drawing actually, and people looked at me funny for always drawing. I was a new kid from a small town in Georgia thrown into a huge school in Massachusettes. I had enough to worry about. Now, I can't draw for shit. The most art I've got to show from the past few years is a wall painting I did at a salon my friend's mom opened up when I was pregnant.
  6. I never took relationships seriously until my sophomore year. Best friends for almost a year, dated for almost a year, and then couldn't leave each other alone or stop trying to piss each other off for another few months. Thus came Caiven, and now I'm only in my second relationship that I've ever taken seriously. This one's a keeper.
  7. Seventh grade didn't really suck for me. First year in a school of not just military kids, had friends, ect. I have my bad memories of course, and I looked really awkward, and I had a good friend I grew up with pass away that year and wasn't even able to attend his funeral because of one incredibly mean teacher, but all in all, seventh grade topped elementary school by far.
  8. This is the main thing I wish I would have listened to people about. I've constantly stressed about these things, and I didn't know how to handle all the horrible feelings that go with stressing so much over it, not to mention from all the other things that were going on. Struggled with anorexia and cutting for a long time. My weight and looks, especially after having Caiven, are still something that I struggle with. I am who I am and having Caiven means more to me than having the body a nineteen year old girl should have though, so I try to rise above it. Don't hide my body from my boyfriend anymore, and don't even wear a shirt over my bathing suit at the public pool. I'm more confident now than I ever have been.
  9. I was always friends with really beautiful, skinny girls. They should have had the most confidence. I had a hard time finding flaws in their looks, and could have never found as many in them as I found daily in myself. Yet, they found them within themselves. I learned early on that even the most popular, prettiest, skinniest, funniest, most outgoing girls had their own confidence issues. Guys a lot of times had/have more issues than girls, too. Girls should never feel like a guy is superior to them. They're bigger babies than we ever thought of being.
  10. With every year that passes, I look back on previous years and laugh. I think I actually laugh harder as time goes on.

Life is a funny thing. It may seem like hell at times, but you only get one so don't spend it living to please everyone else. As long as you're the best you can be, make your life what you want, do what makes you happy, ect...you'll find people that are pleased without you even having to try. Just live, be thankful for the life you've been given, and make the most of it, as cliche as that sounds.

Ahhh, my life...

  So, even before getting pregnant at sixteen, I had been through enough to make me hate my life and love it more than anything all at the same time (a feeling I'm sure most people can relate to). And now that my son, Caiven, is two years old, I'm realizing that's a feeling that just isn't going to go away. There is always going to be good and bad in life; ups and downs, triumphs and failures, celebration and mourning, what have you...
  In the past year alone I've been through loss (due to death or just walking out of my life), struggle and loneliness of being a single parent, withdrawn from school twice, been absolutely broke on multiple occasions (even overdrew my account once), witnessed my parents struggle financially, almost been kicked out on multiple occasions, dealt with Caiven's first "daddy questions", suffered abuse from someone (not the first time in my life), dealt with some demons from my past, ect ect ect.
  On the other hand, I've had friends bring babies into the world (death and life go hand in hand), had new people walk into my life or people who once walked away walk back in, found someone who takes away a lot of the loneliness and struggle parenting has been by always being there for me and taking Caiven in as his own son (I'm not a single parent anymore! Whoohoo!), was there for Caiven's second birthday (have really just watched him become his own person over this past year - talking, making choices, independent, potty training, expressing himself in all sorts of way), got to enjoy the innocent and wholehearted love that comes with being a mother, completed three college courses almost a year before I was even supposed to graduate, was accepted into a second college, had my first full-time job where I was actually bringing home a paycheck, been blessed enough to always have things work out where Caiven and I were always taken care of, been blessed enough to have parents that are willing to put up with all my nonsense and having a toddler in their house that they won't kick me out (not yet anyways), have a dad brother and boyfriend to help fill Caiven's "daddy void", let go of a few demons from my past, ect ect ect.
  So yes, some things that have been happening lately may have sparked something in me to write this, but who cares. And so yes, there is always going to be good and bad in our lives. Nevertheless, the good always seems to have a way of not only making up for the bad, but outdoing the bad in most cases. It may take time, and pardon me if this sounds cliche, but I've always been one to believe that anything bad that happens is just setting you up for something great to happen, will always make you more appreciative of the good things (make you count your blessings so to speak), and ALWAYS happens for a reason.

      Stay positive, and stay thankful.

Types of Diaper Loads!

I saw this a while back and just found it hilarious. Here I was thinking my child was the only one that pooped all these different "types of loads" and that he was just strange, haha. Turns out they're all strange! Poor babies, haha.

(originally from howtobeadad.com)

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